I feel a need to address both women and men on this matter, because it DOES matter. Both feel very strongly about this part of their marriage. But it also addresses what it is like for the man to be refused. It is a gigantic issue, if your sex life is unfulfilled. He and his wife Lori have a wet site called The Marriage Bed. Paul knows what he is talking about on this issue. So men, please read the following series of articles posted on The-generous-husband. And then here is a great article written by Sheila Wray Gregoire on this same issue. And then what to do about it. We encourage you to read this article and comments posted below it.
First: To The Husband Whose Wife Doesn’t Want Sex
What Do I Do If My Spouse Won’t Have Sex?
My feelings are all over the place. We have been married for 25 years and sex was great at first. But five years ago I was diagnosed with diabetes and can no longer get an erection. Send an email to problems deardeidre. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Next: For Wives Who Do Not Want to Have Sex:
Husbands and wives are puzzled, hurt, and frustrated because their spouse either refuses sex or will have sex only on rare occasions. If you have worked hard to be understanding, kind, clean, attractive, affectionate, patient, an initiator, etc. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. Despite this clear biblical teaching, many Christian wives and husbands avoid or refuse sex. Because of selfishness. If we think something will be unpleasant, we tend to avoid it, even if avoiding that thing will cause someone else pain or unpleasantness.
These feelings built up over a few years, and when we were drunk one night, I told her. She said she felt the same. Later we met and chatted, but the net result is, because of her friendship with my wife, nothing could happen. She is now in another relationship and has moved on. I think she represents everything that is missing in my current marriage — the spark for me has gone. Is this normal for a marriage of 10 years? Should I be content with a woman who loves me, or does it mean I have some sort of mental issue for not being able to move on and enjoy life? I think of her having sex with other people and it tears me apart. Whether or not you were to hook up with this current object of your desire, I have a feeling you are still capable of spending the rest of your life in regret.